Day 0

Because the chemo orders were so complicated, I didn’t start this TVTC treatment until late last night, so the days are all confusing for my chemo-fogged brain, so we will see how long I can keep up and keep the days in order!

Technically today is still day 0.

Fuck, man.

Well, actually less fuck than if I didn’t start this for another week. I’m glad the show is on the road. Especially after the whole finding-blasts-in-the-spinal-fluid ordeal. This all seems much more manageable now, and for that, I’m very thankful. I’m also thankful that we are jumping in headfirst with treatment because it give my stupid shitty cells less time to be stupid idiots and reproduce like rabbits. So that’s where we’re at!

Also, an added bonus is that I don’t restart the nupogen shots until like day 8! What a bargain. I can get behind that fosho.

Oh, but also another update is that my chemo brain is remarkably bad (and this is still only day 0– fuckkkkkk!) so bear with me through the inevitable struggles haha.

So what else, what else? Ah yes, I think I have the start of a sinus infection setting in. Which really sucked this morning because of all the pressure behind my eyes and cheekbones, but I took a bath (in the remarkable bathtub here– complete with bubbles and 109 degree water!) and then napped for close to two hours, and damn that nap really helped me out some. I’ll probably change my outlook on this next statement eventually, but for now, I think it’s pretty funny that I have this on set of a sinus infection. When I was in for transplant I was positive for Influenza A which was super awesome, and now here I am again, preparing to go into this kick-ass treatment with another somethin’ tagging along. I guess I just don’t want to be overly boring. Fuck.

But in general I feel good for now. Every day that I wake up is a day I am thankful for. It’s interesting how my outlook on life changed once with my initial diagnosis of AML, and now it’s changing all over again with this whole relapse situation. It’s not a bad thing, more like it just makes me appreciate the little things even more than I did before. It’s crazy to think how much is taken for granted in this world, and I wonder how different it would be if people had even the smallest fraction more appreciation for the little things.

Sort of on that same note is that one of the docs here is doing tons of research into AML and treatment for it which is incredible, and I’ve volunteered/agreed to provide her with both blood and bone marrow samples of my shitty cells. I love that I am able to do this, though, because I know that I’m helping advance research to help cure AML, which is pretty much a really shitty kind of leukemia to get. Cheers!

Knowing that I am helping in even the smallest way is a really rewarding feeling. I definitely like to think that this whole shit show is going to turn out well for me and that it’ll be an added bonus knowing that the cells that were previously collected from me will continue to provide helpful information, but at the same time it kind of eases my mind that if things don’t turn out as I plan I’ll still be helping advance research and will potentially be helping others down the line even if I’m not here to see that happen. Holy run-on sentence!

Anyway, this is where I’m at in treatment. Tomorrow sounds like it’ll be exciting because I’m going to be getting this chemo that is excreted through my skin, which means that I’ll have to bathe every six hours and also have my PICC dressing changed just as often. I’m thankful it’s just for 24 hours, because dressing changes are the fucking WORST. Still. After all I’ve been through, having my dressing changed remains one of the most anxiety-producing events of my life. So you can believe I’m pretty excited to have it happen like four times a day, even if it’s just for one day. But it could always, always always be worse.

So here I am– day 0– starting out strong and hoping that it continues this way!


3 thoughts on “Day 0

  1. Wow, fuck..all the way from Fairbanks, AK. You’re so determined, I admire that so much. Keep on & fuck that shit up, girl✌️🏼✌️🏼✌️🏼


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