Some people are fortunate enough to get a second chance at something.
And then there are people like me… who… well, I guess I’m somethin’ enough to get a second chance at this whole “fuck cancer, get transplant” thing. Yippee! So thrilled. Really. So much. SO MUCH. Ugh.
But so it goes. It is what it is and I’m right back into the zone and ready to RAGE FUCK THE GOD DAMN BRAINS OUT OF THIS BASTARD. You know, cause apparently ONCE WASNT ENOUGH.
This time, though… this time.
I realize that although this is a pretty shitty situation (I mean, y’know, CANCER and all that) but it’s so different from where I was during any of my other treatments. I’m stronger, healthier (minus the cancer part), more experienced. But more than all of that, I’m rested.
10 solid months of reprieve. Of returning to normal. Being a survivor. Getting stronger everyday. Maybe the Universe just wants to test me once more to make sure that I will always put up a fight. Whatever the reason, I’m rested now. And ready to put up the biggest fight yet.
I have learned a lot already on this journey of mine, and a lot of those lessons involve hospitals and similar situations… go figure. The point is, I realize now how important it is for me to have people visit. I loved getting visitors before, but really it was usually the same 6-7 people. Which was awesome, and I loved that, but I was afraid to have more. Maybe I was so busy shitting cherry pie that I didn’t think to invite anyone, but hell, this time is the SHIT! (Poor word choice, but you get the point!). Being rested really makes all the difference in the world.
After the stupid, sad-eyed doctors told me the news, I refused treatment until they could get me back to the hospital I got my transplant at. They weren’t happy about it, but after my first 8 weeks at the main hospital, I physiologically could not go back there for this treatment. I’ve learned to advocate for myself. I am now comfortably settled back at 7 East, with the large window overlooking the Arb, colored walls, and just good energy.
I underwent five days of chemo, and it was decided to repeat the regimen that put me into remission the first time. I am blown away by how different this time is compared to the rest. Sure, there’s still time for things to happen, but in general. I have thrown up once since being here, I sleep soundly through the night, I’m hardly ever nauseous, I advocate for myself (which I know I already said but that’s HUGE), OH!!! And you guys will be so proud of me haha, I have another PICC line, and I’m not super anal about it! (Haha I could have used another word but you know meeeee!). In fact, it only has two lumens. The purple one is Pat and the red one is Kelly. And now you know.
Right now the plan is to achieve remission, and then after that we (hah! We. The Doctors) will decide what the best course of action will be. It looks like I’ll be headed for another transplant down the road, hopefully using my older brother as my donor.
Cheers to the future!
Also, don’t get cancer.
OH! At least I get to play the cancer card again. Hell yeah!