I’m sure that after all of this I seem to be forgetting something major. But I felt that it required its own post, since it would make things far too complicated to insert it all into the correct place along this journey. Not to mention I have no idea when specific things happened anyway… But that’s beside the point!
What I want to address now is support. From family, from friends, but above all else from strangers.
Since this began (now almost nine months ag0– which is absolutely crazy to think about!) the outpouring of love, support, positivity, prayers and other unspeakable kindnesses has absolutely astonished me and has had as much of an impact on my health as it has the rest of my body and soul. I remain, to this day, unable to find the appropriate words to even begin to describe the sheer appreciation, love, awe and respect I have for everyone who has helped me and my family. From making my family dinners while I was in the hospital being tended to by my parents, to kindly gifting goodies, giving/making HATS (which are pretty much a form of currency to me!), to sending cards, and sending good energy and prayers for us all. I really don’t think I would be able to have come as far as I have and overcome the obsticals that I have without the support system that formed out of the goodness in people’s hearts. I wish that I could begin to describe how thankful I am for everything that everyone has done for me/us. Cancer sucks, and if any of you have seen Deadpool and remember the line that goes something along the line of “The worst part about cancer isn’t what it does to you, it’s what it does to the people you love” I found particular interest in that. Because I can’t begin to imagine what my parents, brothers, boyfriend, family, friends, or any other number of victims of my diagnoses went through. While I was fighting the biggest battle of my life, for my life, there was great suffering all around me, to an extent that I probably will never be able to fully understand and appreciate. But while there was suffering, all of this support played a crucial role in all of our well beings. So while every act of kindness and selflessness, no matter how small, was sent in our direction, every single bit of that positivity helped me to fight, and helped all those around me fight as well. I’m not sure which of those I’m most thankful for, and I don’t think it would ever be fair to rate one above the other. The humbling feeling of a community, not just geographically, but across the Internet, the globe… That is something I will carry with me for the rest of my life, and I hope that I can return the love that was sent my way in a time of need to others who require the same gift.
While transplant happened 14 days ago today (I’m two weeks old!!!) I still have quite the journey ahead of me while we wait for the new marrow to engraft completely, wait for the GVHD (Graft vs. Host Disease) to set in a be monitored, and every little hiccup along the way, but I can honestly say that I have perhaps more to fight for now than I did before, and I will fight this shit called Cancer until the day I die– seeking to raise awareness, help others who are going through experiences like those that I have, and doing what I can in hopes that there will be a day that no one need to fear the word “cancer”. That no one suffer from it, in any sense of the word.
Here I go, being a bit sporadic again, but hang in there. Something else I failed to mention that I am incredibly thankful for are the VISITS that I recieved during my stay (and the visits that continue, too!). Even when you’re feeling shitty after chemo, or from any number of side effects that will no doubt occur as a result from the plethora of medications being taken, having people visit is a lifesaver. The distraction passes the time, and if you’re as lucky as I was, you’ll have people on standby waiting to come rub your aching feet, or your sore back. People to give you “spa” treatment, people to give you face-to-face words of encouragement, advice. People who care about and love you, and will do anything to make your time pass a little bit easier. Friends are one of the greatest medicines there are– and like me doctor said (this is medically prescribed, by a licensed physician, so it’s gotta be true!) He said that the friends that stand by you during a time like this are friends that will remain beside you for life, and I believe that whole heartedly. I am unspeakably lucky for my friends who have remained with me through this nightmare, and luckier still for the friends that I have made while on this journey. I owe everyone a great deal, that I will never be able to successfully pay back. But I seek to try and pay back all the goodness that has come to me.
I will be posting about this stay at the hospital I am currently undergoing (hopefully soon!). But it was necessary to address this topic before plowing onward!
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to everyone who has helped me/us. It means more to me than you will ever know, and more than I’ll be able to show. ❤